OK, major apologies right now, right from the start, for what is going to be an almighty, pregnancy hormone induced rant.
I'm 33 weeks pregnant, a tad uncomfortable but that's OK, because pretty soon I will get to once again experience that overwhelmingly beautiful and powerful thing called childbirth.
I'm probably considered by many to be more than a little weird because... I can wait. I am soooo excited that its impossible to describe and, to the boredom of others probably, my every waking moment seems to be consumed with thoughts about how things are going to go this time.
My birth plan has been written for many weeks. Its OK, I'm no fool-I know that should things go tits up at the time then the plan, or certain sections of it, will have to go out of the window. But I find the whole process of reading, researching and really reflecting on how I would like the experience to pan out is so important. This is a life-changing, miraculous event-it deserves a lot of thought and introspection.
And its my experience, my birth, my body, my baby.
Which is why one of my biggest bug-bears is hearing/reading women utter phrases like:
' They (referring to consultants/midwives) wont let me do such and such'.
'If I go so many days over my due date they have told me they will induce me'. '
I wont be allowed to try for a VBAC'.
'They wont let me have a home birth'
Hearing apparently intelligent women come out with this nonsense makes me want to slap them hard across the face, shake them soundly and yell, 'FFS sweetheart, this is your body, your baby, your birth experience! Grow some fucking balls!!'
Why do some pregnant women suddenly lose the capacity to think for themselves and then turn into blithering, obliging idiots when faced with someone in a white coat or a uniform?True, they are the apparent 'experts' in their field but no-one knows a woman's body better then the woman herself and the decisions and expectations surrounding pregnancy and childbirth are too important for women to simply, and unthinkingly, pass the buck onto someone who really just wants to get another round of golf in or get home for tea early ;(
By all means, listen to their advice. But never forget that that's exactly what it is...advice. Not an order that has to be followed. You're grown women, not little girls.
Educate yourself about your choices. You've got 10 months FGS, enough time to read about childbirth until you cant read any more.
And don't forget, the language you use about childbirth and pregnancy can have a big effect on how you experience it. Continuing to use words such as 'they wont allow me' does nothing to empower and ready you for the most amazing experience of your life.
3 comments:
Reckon you've hit the nail on the head - most women can't be bothered. I find it equally bemusing/annoying...
Definitely hit the nail on the head. My first pregnancy I went along with what I was told even though I really did not feel the intervention was necessary. It led to an unhappy birth experience and left me angry and upset. This time around I researched, thought things through thoroughly, sought advice from others not party to the NHS and did it my way.
Taking responsibility and ignoring the advice of the hospital was hard and I had very wobbly moments. In the end I had the birth that I wanted (at home) and it was a wonderful, positive and empowering experience and very healing after the first time.
Agree completely in principle, and I informed myself by reading loads, attending classes etc, certainly inbetween appointments once I was clued in I'd never say 'they wouldn't let me' or whatever ....
......yet I found it hard to stick to when I was actually the pregnant person sitting facing someone in a white coat or wearing a blue lanyard. I'd get a huge lump in my throat, my heart would race and my mouth would go dry. My style was to nod, run out of there, then write letters to complain/refuse to work with a particular midwife/insist they sort out their staffing shortages or whatever.
Using these tactics I fought for an NHS homebirth and won three times, only going into hospital when I decided to myself due to complications. I had no 1 at home aged just 21. For no 4 I opted out altogether and hired an Independent Midwife as we had a bit more money by then, and I was just tired of it all, plus I had far too much other stuff going on so since the opt out was available I took it.
All the best for your homebirth.
Hazel xx
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